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stillaneThe Wild Wild West: Episode 2x04 - The Night of The Big Blast
Slightly less than serious commentary. With picspam.
Okay, so we start out on a dark and stormy night. No, really.
We meet Creepy Red Riding Hood and her very tall manservant. They are up to nefarious ends. Duh.
Um. Not that I'm knocking the motif, but... glow in the dark skeleton? Does that really scream "Serious Scientist" to you?
We see there is someone on the table. He is lying very still. We all know who it is, but we'll pretend we don't recognize the wardrobe. Very Tall Manservant - a.k.a. Miklos - is advised to apply the electrodes. The groping is all of his own doing. Yes, that's a crotch he's staring at.
He's kind of kinky. He likes to tie them down...
...before he gets it up. The lightening rod, that is.
Then they stand back to oggle.
Lest you think this place is decorated entirely in Early Modern Phallic:
And then lightening strikes, and the body twitches, and...
Duh duh duh! Cue theme music.
Moving on. James West does not know who he is. This leads him to sit like a little boy with his hands on his spandex-panted knees. Creepy Red Riding Hood - a.k.a. Faustina - proceeds to lay on the usual evil schpeal. Highlights include: This is your name, this is your quest, you are my bitch. Turns out, she's sending poor, befuddled Jim on a mission to deliver a message to some government VIPs. Something tells me it won't be an invite to her next tea party.
First, however, she has him move some furniture.
Meanwhile, Artemus is off running into Miss (Lily) Fortune. And her mother. Lily was his prom date, and is now an aspiring actress. Artie tells them he's a secret agent man; Mama declares he's a born liar. Both are correct.
Artie takes Lily away to show her his train. No, really.
Well, okay, maybe not really.
And somewhere in New Orleans, James West turns down an able-bodied hooker. Now you know the universe is out of whack.
She does not take it well, and sends some convenient goons after Jim, telling them that they know the punishment King Neptune set out for not wearing a costume. Apparently, it is to get one's ass kicked. You've got to wonder, though, how much that one hurts tourism.
Jim puts a hurting on them all, though, and still looks snazzy.
The plot advances a little and Jim makes his run on the VIP meeting. Faustina and Miklos watch from a distance in the best inconspicuous evil villain costumes ever.
Jim gets in. Jim goes boom. That one's gonna leave a mark.
Elsewhere, Artie has taken Lily and Mama on the road. They get a telegram from the President, and that's always good for points with the date. It summons them to New Orleans, where they were going anyway. Once there, they get accosted by a pirate who wants Artie to show some skin. The pirate turns out to be an agent sent to collect Artie, though, and duty calls.
Artie asks why he, specifically, has been called off of vacation for this one. Special Agent Pirate says it's because Artie knew West better than anyone. The past tense does not go unnoticed.
And then comes a pretty brilliantly played bit of quiet denial. The pirate doesn't say a word, just gives him a steady look.
Artemus doesn't rage, doesn't thrash, he just... sits his teacup down like he'd rather throw it, and looks like the world has ended.
And then he logics his way through it, a step at a time, looking for the way that Jim survived.
And then he falls apart.
Special Agent Pirate makes the mistake of using the T word in reference to Jim, and 'traitor' and 'Jim West' in the same sentence goes over like a lead balloon. Artie is not well pleased. He sets out to find out just what the hell is going on, and possibly make anyone associated pay. Dearly.
Meanwhile, back at the labs... they're at it again. Apparently, Faustina's got a thing for dead bodies. The words, "Mm. Yes! He is quite muscular..." are uttered while groping occurs. Um... yeah.
Elsewhere, Artie is canvasing the town in the guise of a date and kicking the collective ass of the Three Musketeers.
He's a little stressed.
Which explains why he falls for this trap.
Faustina explains that she wants to cover his face with clay. Artie asks why. Oh, Artie. She's a freak, what more do you need to know? See earlier penchant for necrophilia.
We find out that Faustina, who has been petitioning the government for funding for her "science", just got a Dear John from the President. She immediately begins to plot both assassination and her campaign speech. While she's busy with that, Lily and Mama are breaking into the Wanderer. Mama asks indignantly where Lily learned to do this. Lily answers, "At that expensive girls' college you sent me to." I die laughing.
They run into Special Agent Pirate, a.k.a. Lionel Peters. He cleans up nicely. Mama flirts.
Poor Artemus, meanwhile, is cooling his heels in jail.
Somewhere else in the same jail, someone is making a break for it.
Yes, we all recognize that behind. Let's pretend we don't, though. It'll make this...
... way more entertaining.
Aw. Artemus looks like he wants to burst out crying. Jim looks a little pleased himself. They do not hug, though, and more's the pity.
They creep through the halls and find the lab. Miklos is at it again.
Jim and Artie are very concerned. And also very cozy.
The figure on the table shoots upright and we discover... that that hat is not a good look on anyone. Plus, there are two Artemuses now (Artemi?).
Faustina goes in for Round 2 of Brainwash Bingo. Artie and Jim remain very cozy.
They wait just long enough to hear the evil master plan - basically, send AntiArtie out to blow up the President - and then go into action mode.
It doesn't go well.
AntiArtie meanders through town and runs into Lily and Mama. This also does not go well. The real Artie and Jim are too busy having a moonlit carriage ride and gazing soulfully at one another to care, though.
Lionel the Pirate takes AntiArtie to see the President, asking about his relationship with Lily along the way. AntiArtie tells him she's unimportant. Lionel chuckles and declares, "You certainly are a gay dog with the ladies!"
No, really. I could not make this up.
The door guard, at least, has some sense and puts his foot down. AntiArtie isn't getting in without the proper clearance. This would be his "Bitch, please" expression.
While Lionel's off getting that, Jim and Artie show up and get creative. There's a bazooka and a bullwhip involved. Yeah.
And then AntiArtie goes off. No harm done.
Wrap-up time. Lily stars in her opening night performance, and the boys show up to congratulate her, and to discuss the fact that Mama Fortune ran off with Lionel the Pirate. Go figure. Artie has something else on his mind, though; he asks Lily to marry him. Well, technically, Jim asks her to marry Artie, looking absolutely thrilled about the idea.
Uh-huh. Proving that there's a reason I like her, Lily turns him down flat. She's just not cut out for the secret agent wife life, never knowing if he's really himself or about to explode.
It's at this point that Jim makes a loud exploding noise via champagne bottle and attempts to look like it was an accident.
Yeah, right.
And then they get wasted.
The end.
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 07:28 am (UTC)Lest you think this place is decorated entirely in Early Modern Phallic: that was just priceless
And man, that comment about expensive girl's colleges... let's just say it's truer than one might think.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 08:36 pm (UTC)And man, that comment about expensive girl's colleges... let's just say it's truer than one might think.
Yep. As a product of one myself, that line cracked me up endlessly. Not that we ever did anything like that. *looks shifty, whistles innocently* We were very good, and totally wholesome. Uh-huh. *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 10:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 06:12 pm (UTC)flabbergastingcharming.no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 08:25 pm (UTC)*sighs* Yeah. I have vague memories of watching the original series as reruns as a kid, and even that was enough to tell me that that movie was not right. I think the biggest problem I had with it was that it ditched the whole partnership-of-legend angle and went in for a rivalry-to-reluctant-buds approach. Normally, I'm all for that dynamic, but not when it turns your heroes into idiots. Plus, what makes the show for me is the fact that it's these two guys bopping along, saving the world one cool gadget at a time, and enjoying having their best friend along for the ride.
The costumes. Oh, man. If you're going to hide out, might as well make a statement. *g*
You should totally get ahold of the series. It's on DVD (mostly, I think), and while it's a little uneven, you can't beat the cracked out fun. Or the slash angles. They live together. They work together. They get in the way of each others' dates. They freak out at the thought that the other might be hurt. What more do you need? *g*
In particular, I'd recommend the first season, and The Night of the (TNOT) Lord of Limbo, TNOT Amnesiac, and TNOT Death Masks. *desperately needs squeeing company*
LOL WWW
Date: 2009-06-06 02:48 am (UTC)Re: LOL WWW
Date: 2009-06-06 03:32 am (UTC)This was officially one of the crackiest shows in the history of television, and I do so love it for that. *g*
no subject
Date: 2009-08-24 08:53 pm (UTC)Cheers!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-25 02:41 am (UTC)Yay for adoring gazes all around! Jim and Artie rock. *g*
no subject
Date: 2009-08-27 04:42 pm (UTC)