Requesting Advice

[stillane]

Hi all.

(Have you figured out yet that when a post starts that way, it's going to be a doozy?)

I have a request to make from all of you. I don't quite know how to put this, and I'm pretty much guaranteed to be incoherent about it, but here goes.


The background info:

Cancer. It's funny that I can type it, because so far I can't say it. I never understood the fear of that word before. No one I knew very well had ever had it, not in the present tense. I knew those who survived and I knew of those who hadn't, but I'd never been around for the diagnostic stage. Intellectually, I got it, and from a biologist's standpoint, I could explain the mechanisms and causes of it, but I never understood the way it can make you freeze up, make you shake so that your teeth rattle, make your chest hurt until you remember to breathe. I could see it, but I couldn't feel it.

I get it now.

I just hung up the phone with my dad. As it turns out, the biopsy that supposedly came back routine and safe and fine wasn't any of those things. My parents couldn't tell me until they'd had some time to deal with it. It seems tonight was the right time. I don't think there is a right time, but I guess this is as good as any.

I have no idea what to do with myself right now. They're saying it'll be okay, that I should stay at school and pay attention to course work and that sort of thing. They're tossing around options and making plans. Apparently, it hasn't spread, and it seems to be in the early stages. I don't know whether I should go home, or wait to hear what the treatment is going to entail, or try to finish out the semester. I just want to know what the odds are. I don't know that I can trust them to tell me.

I don't want to put more pressure on Dad, and I know that dropping it all and coming home now will do that. He'll feel guilty, and I can't add anything on top of all this. I'm also afraid things will go wrong, though, and I'll have wasted time. I have no idea what to do with this.



The important part:

All of this is leading to that favor I mentioned. I need more information on prostate cancer. I've got access to the usual list of treatment options and explanations, but anything you could add would be appreciated. Mostly, it would be good to hear from someone who's been through this, or who knows the ropes. I need to know what I should be listening for, just how scared I should be, what I should be preparing myself for. Anything you can offer would be gratefully accepted.

I'm sorry to bum everyone out, but I really need everyone possible to read this to get the widest information net I can. Thanks for your time and patience.

To those of you who know me well, please bear with me as I space out for the next few days. I'm still too numb to predict how I'll react once it sets in.

Comments

[raucousraven.livejournal.com]

I'll ask about for more info. From what I've heard, early detection is a good thing.

And oh my dear, *HUGS*.

[stillane.livejournal.com]

*clings a little* Thanks. I'm doing slightly better with it now, having talked to the parents and done a bit more research. Mom has promised not to keep me out of the info from here on out, so I think I'm getting it straight at least, and there aren't any scary details waiting to jump me. The early detection is indeed a good thing. The five-year survival rates seem to be promising as well. My parents are optimistic, and the crushed feeling has worn off. I'm working on getting the treatment options compiled in terms of pros and cons so that Dad can weigh them objectively. From here, though, the big thing is finding a doctor that he feels more comfortable with.

I need to talk to my little sister, too. I spoke with her very briefly last night, but she was doing some major avoidance of the topic. I'm not sure whether it's better to let her pretend, or to get her talking about it. Hmm.

Aside from that, I'm trying to be as normal as possible. It seems to help to have things to do, which is probably good news for the thesis (and might result in a scarily clean dorm room and possibly terrifying amounts of fic). Stress = productivity, apparently. For now, it's a case of riding it out until the end of classes and then re-evaluating. From there... *shrug*

*loves you for the hugs, by the way*