stillane | Fic Post (yes, again): Certainty, Supernatural

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Fic Post (yes, again): Certainty, Supernatural

To all those on my flist who haven't yet bowed down to Supernatural: I'm sorry.

To those who have: I'm sorry. I killed the Metallicar. Or, well, I will. It would take longer to explain than it would to read the fic.

I seem to be becoming frighteningly prolific. Apparently, January term will do that to you. It's like solitary confinement, but with better food and entertainment. Huh.

This is really quite short.

Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: None (gen)
Rating: PG, absolutely arbitrarily
Spoilers: References a single line from Scarecrow, but this shouldn't harm you if you haven't seen the ep yet. Come to think of it, if you've missed Bloody Mary and everything that comes after, this might not make a great deal of sense to you. Otherwise, go for it.

Feedback: Is snuggled like a firstborn child. Even if it's ugly.
Summary: Sam is wise.

Certainty

Sam knows things.

He knows when he’ll die, for one, or at least has an approximation. Has for a good bit now.

It took him a while to figure it out. At first, he saw it all upside-down and backwards. He dreams of Dean, sometimes, sees him facing darkness and the night, sees him smiling and acting like an ass. In his dreams, Dean is never much older than he is now. The only wrinkles he wears are the little ones at the edges of his eyes that came on somewhere between Lawrence and Stanford. His hair is sometimes a little longer, sometimes a little shorter, but never gray.

Sam hasn’t had the heart to tell Dean he’s seen the Impala in ruins.

He was afraid, when he first realized that the pictures in his head never came from more than a few years away, if that. He spent a while being frantic every time Dean got near trouble – which, given that it was Dean, happened with exhausting frequency - until he understood that there were some pictures in his head he hadn’t seen yet in real life.

He lives his days now by the memories that haven’t happened yet, ticking them off as they come. Every moment that he recognizes is one less in his collection. It’s hard to know, exactly, but he thinks the last picture is of Dean laughing, the sun making his hair more blonde than it really is, his shirt a well-worn blue that he’ll probably find in some Salvation Army store.

Sam’s a little embarrassed, really, that it took him so long to understand. One day, though, he wakes from another scene, and realizes that he never dreams post-Dean. That he really has no idea what he would do without Dean, because he’s never seen it. He doesn’t dream of the aftermath, or of himself alone. The understanding brings acceptance.

There are really only two options, then, and neither of them involve him outliving his brother. He’s okay with that.

If nothing else, he knows he’ll at least go first. Dean was right about one thing: Sam is a selfish bastard.

He knows that one day, the sun will shine and Dean will wear blue and Sam himself will fall down once too many. There’s an odd kind of peace in that, but then, his has always been an odd kind of life.

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*waves hands about*

Ngh! That was just...ouch. That makes me ache. He's so resigned and kind of content with the way it will come and eep.

I loved it I did. But still. Wahhh.

Sorry. It all started with me wondering if Sam would ever see his own death, and then thinking probably not. And that led to what he would see, and here we are.

Glad you liked it, despite the ache. Thank you!

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Thank you for reading! I'm very curious to see where they take his powers from here, and whether or not they'll ever explain them.

I think you just killed me with sorrow. O_o

Oops. Hang on, I've got a faith healer around here somewhere...

Thanks for braving extincion to read :>

I think I love you.

Piercing and beautiful and so wonderfully Sam.

Thank you! I'm fairly new to these boys, so it's nice to hear that my version of them seems familiar.

That was wonderful. I love how you portrayed Sam, it was very realistic.

The only wrinkles he wears are the little ones at the edges of his eyes that came on somewhere between Lawrence and Stanford

Hee, I love JA's crinkles :)

Great job.

I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing about that man that isn't either hot, adorable, or both.

So glad you liked the story, and thanks for reading it!

oh, ohhhh, right on.

Hee. Thank you.

Very nice!

Thank you!

That is what Sam could become... ticking off memories that are really premonitions... and knowing because Dean is there and young and never old that Sam is going first... And being okay with that. *sniffles* Poor Sam.

I spend much of the episodes wanting to hug Sam. The poor guy really looks like he needs it.

I'm so glad you liked this one. Thanks for reading!

Just lovely. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Glad you liked it.

Lovely, sad but lovely. Synchronicity, I was reading this and Crowded House was playing Don't Dream It's Over.

Huh. Gotta love the wierd ways of the world. I get such a kick when things like that happen.

Thanks for reading!

I really like this, so melancholy and so SAM. Just, he's selfish, but Dean will be smiling. I love this:

He lives his days now by the memories that haven't happened yet, ticking them off as they come. Beautiful!

Sam's a smart guy; he knows it's always hardest to be the one left behind. In my head, I think they go out together, just because it's a little too painful to think about Dean in the aftermath.

And, wow, I just managed to make a comment as depressing as the fic. Bad me. Sorry.

In any case, thanks for reading, and I'm glad you liked it!

Excellent job. As everyone before me has said, it's very Sam. There's a resignedness to both brothers when it comes to death since they've been living it for so long. I completely understand Sam being happy with going first.

Thank you! I'm looking forward to Faith - aside from the obvious reasons - largely in order to see what their reactions will be. I keep thinking that they aren't afraid of their own deaths, but each others' are a different story. We shall see.

So glad you liked it!

well, that was depressing.
well-written and a good bit of fic, but that was depressing.
::is a Dean fan, but some Sam fic is good now and then::

Sorry. I seem to be producing bummer fic the last two days. Hopefully, there will be some ass-kicking and bantering before too much longer.

::Love both boys to pieces, but would like to keep Dean indefinitely::

Thanks for reading!

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trystan830.livejournal.com - 2006-01-14 22:19 (UTC) - Expand

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stillane.livejournal.com - 2006-01-15 20:09 (UTC) - Expand

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trystan830.livejournal.com - 2006-01-15 20:26 (UTC) - Expand

I really, really liked this.

Sam hasn’t had the heart to tell Dean he’s seen the Impala in ruins.

That's a fantastic line.

He knows that one day, the sun will shine and Dean will wear blue and Sam himself will fall down once too many. There’s an odd kind of peace in that, but then, his has always been an odd kind of life.

Beautiful.

Thank you! I'm glad you liked the Impala line. Strangely, I almost felt worse killing the car than killing Sam. My little sister would have my head; she thinks the boys are pretty, but loves the Impala best of all. Strange kid, that one.

So glad you liked it, and thank you for reading!

(no subject)

1trackmind.livejournal.com - 2006-01-17 20:01 (UTC) - Expand

awww...that was rather sad. but it was good.

Thank you!

Very, very nice. :)

Thank you!

I loved this so very much. It's just perfect and beautiful!

Thank you!

Oh, this hurts. Such a beautiful, sorrowful tone to it.

He lives his days now by the memories that haven’t happened yet, ticking them off as they come.

God, this line got me but good.

That he really has no idea what he would do without Dean, because he’s never seen it. He doesn’t dream of the aftermath, or of himself alone. The understanding brings acceptance.

Such a beautiful description of how he comes to recognize what this means.

He knows that one day, the sun will shine and Dean will wear blue and Sam himself will fall down once too many.

And you break me with this ending. *sniff*

Thank you! So glad you liked! *hands over a tissue*

HI. I was sent here by

witchofthedogs. This is a gorgeous fic.

Sorry. Glad you liked it, despite the tearing :>

Thank you for reading!

Wow that really packed and incredibly painful, heart-breaking punch!

Sorry. I just call 'em like I see 'em. Or, in this case, like Sammy does :>

Thanks for enduring the cardiovascular thump to read!

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stone-princess.livejournal.com - 2006-01-19 07:04 (UTC) - Expand

This was lovely. Thank you for sharing it.

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!

I don't think I've read a Supernatural fic that's affected me like this one did, and few enough in any fandom. Reading it is like watching the end of a movie when all the stars are rushing around attempting to save the little bitty fragile whatsit that will make the doomsday weapon stop, and in defiance of all action genre convention the little whatsit drops and makes a soft 'chink' no louder than someone clearing their throat. And the credits roll while you still don't believe that everybody dies. Everybody.

Oh, wow. Thank you for the lovely feedback. I wanted it to be sort of the whimper that heralds the bang, if that makes any sense. You know that, should Dean survive what's coming, he's not going to handle the situation nearly so calmly as Sam is here. And if Dean knew what Sam does, he'd most likely be doing enough frantic scrambling for them both. I think they're both remarkably fatalistic about themselves, and not at all about each other. In this case, the explosion will be after the fact, at least so far as Sam's concerned. As it turns out, it's the better alternative to being the one left behind.

*breathes out* ... oh.

Every moment that he recognizes is one less in his collection. It’s hard to know, exactly, but he thinks the last picture is of Dean laughing,

I am ridiculously soothed that this could be the last thing Sam ever consciously sees, Dean's laughter.

Somehow, I am too. I prefer the idea that it would be sudden and painless. I also think Dean wouldn't be far behind. It's maybe a bit melodramatic of me, but I don't think Dean would survive that kind of loss. Too much of him is tied up in Sam, and not enough is invested in the rest of the world.

I'm so glad it worked for you.

Simply beautiful and so pongnant, and I loved this.
Very sad, in not that sad kinda way. *is not coherent*

Coherency is overrated :> As long as you're being heard, it's all good.

I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!

this was so beautiful and sad. my favorite line:

"He knows that one day, the sun will shine and Dean will wear blue and Sam himself will fall down once too many."

amazing.

Thank you! So glad you liked it!

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